In Death and Dying
by Lunarmercury
Summary: Yukina dies of an illness and chooses to stay in Reikai to search for her brother. Hiei feels it is his fault, and wants to convince her to come back. The only problem is, the living cannot communicate with those in the afterlife.
1. suicide attempt

My first fanfic! Yay! I actually typed this up before, but then my computer deleted it. Please tell me if you think the genre/rating is wrong or if you think I should have a different title or something. Before I forget, _text _means flashbacks, "text" means speech and 'text' means thoughts.

* * *

Blood ran in thick rivers from twin slices on each wrist and various other cuts, forming red puddles on the ground below the branch he was lying on, stomach down and face turned to the side. A breeze blew, brushing jet black hair in crimson eyes and chilling a bare chest. He didn't care, he was cold anyway. He was slowly dying of his own accord. He had left nothing up to chance this time. He was dying, but he didn't care. There was nothing left to live for.  
"Yukina." A rasping whisper that was soon swirled away.  
'She would still be alive if I had been there.'  
_They were climbing up the hill on their latest mission. Nothing was out of the ordinary until Botan flew in on her oar.  
"Hiei. Come with me, now." Her voice held none of its usual pep. It was so out of the ordinary Hiei didn't respond for a few seconds.  
"Hiei. Now."  
"Hn," was all Hiei said, but he hopped on anyway.  
"What." They were whipping through the air now.  
"It's Yukina. She's ill"  
They landed outside the temple and Hiei rushed to Yukina's room. She was so beautiful and pale lying on the futon, eyes closed, long lashes faintly glistening with moisture of barely suppressed tears of agony. She looked like a china doll that could be shattered with but a touch.  
"Yukina," He whispered, kneeling beside her. Yukina's breath was coming in shallow gasps and Hiei could tell she was in pain.  
"Hiei-san." She smiled a sweet smile and turned her head to face him, her thick eyelashes fluttering as she opened her eyes with difficulty.  
"Shhhh, don't talk. You need to rest." He gingerly brushed away a strand of turquoise hair.  
"Please, stay with me, Hiei-san."  
"I will. I promise." He clutched her frail hand in both of his. He stayed like that for fifteen minutes, watching her, until Botan came into the room.  
"Go away," Hiei growled.  
"I'm here to take her."  
"No!" He wheeled around. "You can't." tears filled his eyes, choked him. The same tears were in Botan's eyes.  
"I'm sorry Hiei. Really. But… I have to."  
"No!" Yukina's hand grew cold. She was gone. Dead._  
'I should have been there.' Tears formed and dripped down over the bridge of his nose, crystallizing to become perfect ebony spheres.  
'I'll be there for you now… don't worry. It's the least I can do. I was never there for you before, I'll be there for you now.'  
_"You can come back you know, Yukina," informed Koenma.  
"I know, but I can't help but think that... maybe my brother is here. He wasn't anywhere in Nigenkai, and I can't help but wonder if maybe he was killed. Hiei-san was always reluctant to tell me anything about onissan, so… I want to look for him here."  
Koenma sighed. "All right. But if you change your mind you can come back. However, that option is only available for one month. After that, you're stuck here."  
"Arigato, Koenma-sama."_  
'If I had just told her she would have come back. I knew she would've accepted me. That's not why I wouldn't tell her. It's because even if no one else sees it that way, I'd be a blemish on her pure heart. Everyone says I choose to forget the good I've done. It's not that. It's that the bad outweighs the good. I thought maybe Yukina knew. She's not stupid, or naïve like people think. Now I know she didn't know. Now she will.'  
"Hiei!" Kurama's voice cut through Hiei's muddled thoughts.  
'How did he find me? I have to run.'

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There you go! My first chapter of my first fic! I'll try and update soon. Please, R&R! Any comments or suggestions would be helpful. 

_This chapter has been revised as of 1/9/05_


	2. success

'Kay! Last chapter Yukina died and refused to come back to life. Hiei slit his wrists and Kurama found Hiei and Hiei is preparing to run. Did I mention I suck at summaries?

Disclaimer: I forgot to put this in the last chapter so here it is. -sighs- I don't own Yuu Yuu Hakusho. -runs off crying- the world is so cruel. Last Minute notes! "words" means speech and 'words' means thoughts.  
Thank you all my reviewers! I didn't think I'd get any reviews!

**Randall Flagg2**

**Kuruna Icefire**

**Madame Arrow Foxfire **

Thank You!!!! gives boxes of chocolate  
Annnnnnnnnd. Action!

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"Hiei!" Kurama called, horrified. "What did you do?"'I have to get away.' Hiei pushed himself up and sprung away. He was slower than usual, but fast enough. Fast enough to get his heart pumping. Fast enough to get his blood flowing. Fast enough to bleed harder because if he bled hard enough there would be no way Kurama could save him. And that was what he wanted.Hiei was making more mistakes and slowing down considerably. He tripped on one branch, slipped on another. It was getting harder to breathe, harder to run. He paused and checked around. His vision was blurring and disappearing, but not so much that he couldn't tell that Kurama was still following him. He sprung off, but it was hard to see the branches. He had to stop again. At least this branch was high up. If he fell, he would die. Well, why not. He started pitching forward. Blackness had eaten away his vision, but he could fell himself falling, plummeting down to the earth below. Abruptly, he felt himself hit something hard and rough.  
'This isn't the ground. Kurama! The branch… He must've used it to catch me...' Darkness enveloped his mind as he fell into unconsciousness. Kurama reached the branch Hiei was on and gathered him up in a bundle."Hiei, how could you do this." He healed Hiei's wrists, then moved his hands, starting from Hiei's head and moving downwards, healing injuries as he went. Everything was healed, but he couldn't help but wonder 'am I in time?' And he also couldn't help but think he wasn't in time. Hiei was growing colder, his heartbeat was weaker, and his breathing could barely be detected. He drew Hiei closer and rubbed Hiei's arms, trying to retain the heat. He knew it was hopeless, but he had to try! He couldn't just sit there and let Hiei die!  
'You have to survive Hiei, please! We need you here!' Kurama's silent prayers were interrupted by the arrival of an all too familiar ki.  
"Botan, please. He can't die! Don't take him… please..." Tears slid down. Kurama's emerald eyes were glossy and he hugged Hiei closer still. "Please..." he repeated.  
"I'm sorry, Kurama, but I have to," Botan replied. "This is hard for me too, you know! What do you think it's like ferrying both Hiei's and Yukina's souls!?"  
"I know, Botan. But are you sure he has to die? How could he have done something this stupid!"  
"Don't be mad at him, Kurama. He was just trying to help Yukina. And I'm sure he will, alive or dead."  
"Couldn't he come back like Yukina could?" Kurama pleaded.  
Botan sighed. "I don't know." She shook her head. "I don't know. I hope so, but in the end it's up to him." She turned to someone invisible, though Kurama thought he could see a faint Hiei-shaped shadow. "Ready to go?" The shadow nodded. "Hold on tight!" Botan blasted off.  
"Botan," Hiei started. "Before you take me to where I'm going, may I- " He paused.  
"Hai?" Botan prompted.  
"MayIseeYukina?" he blurted out in a rush.  
Botan giggled. "You're going there anyway, you know."  
"What?"  
"You're pure, Hiei. Everyone's always been telling you that, I don't know why you wouldn't listen."The expression on Hiei's face was one of pure shock to the point of comedy. Botan slowed her oar and dipped down until she was hovering a few feet from the ground.  
"One more thing," Botan said. "Please get Yukina to come back. I'm not sure, but I think you can come back too. We can't make you two come back, but we miss you. You're really close to where Yukina is. Bye!" She sped away. "Good luck!" She yelled on her way up.  
"Hn." Hiei walked towards the forest. More likely than not that would be where Yukina was. The pine needles and leaves crunched under foot as he walked in between the trees. He rounded a trunk.  
There was Yukina.

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There you go! My second chapter! It wasn't very good but. oh well! Please, R&R! I think "Hai" means yes, but I'm not sure. I hope I used it right. 'Till next time! Bye!  
_This chapter has been revised as of 1/9/05_   



	3. meeting

YAY third chap! I haven't updated in soooooo long. Two weeks, I guess?Thank you **Randall Flagg2**! I got a review! –cheers- k, "words" means speech, 'words' means thoughts.

* * *

There she was. Yukina. She was talking to a bird perched on each finger, as well as the birds clustered around her.  
"Sweet birdies," she was saying. "Do you think I'll ever find my brother? He has to be here, doesn't he? He wasn't in Nigenkai… but what if I never find him, even here? What if he doesn't want me?" Teargems hit the ground softly.  
Hiei started. She was _sad?_ In _paradise?_ He _did _want her, she was the best sister... he was the one who wasn't worthy of her… but to tell her... He leaned back against the tree and tried to work up the courage.  
Hiei stepped into the clearing, scaring off the birds."Hiei-san! Hello! But what are you doing here? I didn't know Koenma- sama allowed the living to visit."  
"He doesn't. But--" He held up his hands to ward off her questions/comments. "I have something to tell you."  
"What? Have you found my brother? Please, tell me!" She gripped his wrists.  
"I have…" he said hesitantly."Who is he? Where? Tell me! Please!" Tears formed in her eyes. "Where is he?"  
"R- right here. I-I'm you brother." He waited. Waited for the rejection, the denial.  
"Hiei-san… you?" He nodded. She let go of his wrists. She opened her mouth to say something, then, as if thinking better of it, closed it again. Hiei's heart sank to his stomach. Finally, Yukina flung herself at Hiei in an enormous embrace, knocking him off his feet almost sending him into a state of shock.  
"Hiei-niisan! I can't believe it's really you." Tears dripped down her face.  
He wiped away one of the tears with a finger."Why are you crying?"  
"I'm happy! I'm so happy. I've finally found my brother."  
"But.. I mean… aren't you… upset?"  
"Why would I be upset?" she asked, pulling back. They both sat up.  
"Because. I'm a horrible person! You deserve better as a brother."  
"Hiei-niisan, you are not a horrible person! You shouldn't insult yourself like that! You've done only good in my eyes and all of the others. Kurama-san, Yusuke-san, Kazuma-san."  
"I've murdered and stolen and lied! How can I have done only good?!"  
"Hiei-nissan, you're a good person, a great friend, and you'll be a wonderful brother. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! You're not like that, you've made up for all you've done, and that's all that matters! How else do you think that you'd be here? Just be happy." She hugged him again tightly and he hugged her back. Tears were dripping down Yukina's face and Hiei could feel an unfamiliar burning sensation behind his eyes. A lump formed in his throat and his face felt almost flushed. Could he be _crying?_ A few tears slipped down his face, until he and Yukina were both flat out crying. And as those two figures sat there, hugging and crying, they felt as if they could stay that was for eternity.

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Yes, I know, short chapter. Please, R&R! oh, and I _ think _"niisan" means "brother" I'm not sure if I used it right, though. Nigenkai is the human world. And yes, Hiei has cried twice before this chapter (at least in this fic's timeline), but he wasn't in the right mind to realize what it was like either time Oh, well. Bye! 

_This chapter has been revised as of 1/9/05_


	4. The decision

Yes! I have finally updated! I am so sorry I took so long, but I couldn't think of what to write. I then wrote it, scrapped most of it, and couldn't bring myself to just write it... finally now I did. Again, I'm sorry I haven't updated in one year. My life has been... strange. To appease, I would like to point out something funny. I was just in Little Shop of Horrors, which features a man-eating plant. There was a person named Seymour. I was thinking, gee, who else do we know that can make a man-eating plant? Kurama of course! It just reminded me of him. Right... now you're probably mad at my pointless babbling. So, onwards! Thanks to my reviewers:

Woodsmaster

Sugar HighYusukeholic (special thanks for niisan/niichan -)

Madame Arrow Foxfire

Senko S Jaganshi

Rogue

Two blondes plus a lightbulb (love the name. but see, he was trying to save her life, not his, and he would do anything to save her. I agree with you that if he was held at gunpoint he wouldn't tell her but if she was held at gunpoint and for some odd reason he couldn't just blur and save her, he couldn't blurt it out fast enough)

Candy for everyone! Yay!

Last minute notes:

I still can't do italics, or dot dot dot. Any information on how to would be greatly appreciated. Any weird periods (but. are you sure? I didn't think.) should probably be dot dot dot.

flash backs are in parenthesis. "Words" are speech, and 'words' are thoughts. **_Word_ **is scene change. -word- is italics. And... rolling!

* * *

"Hiei! Yukina!"

The twins looked up and squinted against the sun to see the ferry girl race towards them.

"Hello, Botan-chan," greeted Yukina. She and Hiei were sitting on the edge of a slightly raised and protruding rock, dangling their bare feet into the cool lake. They had spent the past week and a half there and similar places catching up on missed time.

"Having fun?" The blue-haired girl grinned.

"Hai!" Yukina exclaimed, and Hiei smiled at his sister's happiness.

"Listen, you two. I'm here for a reason. I need to know your decision: life or death?"

_**At Genkai's Temple**_

Kurama sat on the cushy couch, deep in thought. Hiei and Yukina's bodies lay on two futons in the next room of the temple. Hiei's was fully restored if—no, -when-, Kurama corrected himself—he came back. He -was- coming back. They were -both- coming back. They had to... Fresh tears rolled from his forest green eyes, and he reached up a slender hand to brush them away.

Yukina's death had been horrible enough, but that he couldn't have stopped. Hiei's... he should have been able to prevent it, should have been able to realize... All the signs had been there...

He had been so childish... clingy, almost, right after she died. He needed someone else to tell him what to do. The sight of Hiei laying on the futon, surrounded by perfect, ebony tear gems... it had nearly broken his heart.

("Hiei, you need to leave. Do you want to go home with me?"

"I can't leave."

"Why not?"

"Because. When Yukina comes back I want to be here for her")

Not wanting to leave her side... He had finally convinced him to leave by saying Yukina wanted him to stay. But the teargems – he hadn't known what to do about the obsidian spheres that kept dropping. It had actually been Hiei himself that had provided him with the answer, after Kurama had wiped the tear tracks away.

("Do you want me to stop crying?")

He had never thought that he would ask him about crying. Then, later, he was so depressed. He thought now that it would have been better if he had stayed childish.

("Hiei, even if you were there, there was nothing you could have done."

"I should have been there anyway! There must have been something! I was supposed to protect her, and I let her die...")

When Yukina chose to stay dead, that was the end of everything. Hiei simply gave up, even more so than before.

("She's dead! Dead for good and it's my fault!"

"Hiei-"

"Don't even -try- and say anything. You -know- it's true! If I had just told her--!"

Then... the actual suicide.

A ping on the edge of his consciousness alerted him to another's presence, and he turn to find Botan standing in the middle of the room. He unconsciously stood.

"They've decided, Kurama."

Kurama got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. She didn't seem happy. Then again, she could be playing a trick on him. She was the type to do that.

"What did they decide? They chose to come back, right?"

"Anou... Kurama, they wanted to stay dead."

"What?! Why?!" His heart pounded, exploded, he couldn't think straight. His knees buckled, and he sank to the couch, burying his head in his hands, kneading his once again wet eyes. "Why.... Why would they choose that?"

"They said—they said that so much ill fortune had come to them in life, that they were worried what might happen were they to come back. They wanted to let you all know that was nothing you had done, and that they loved the time they spent with you and really valued your friendship. They want to be buried here in Nigenkai. They said that they had had much better experiences here than their home world. They also want you to pick the spot."

"Me? Why me?" Kurama was bewildered. It was too much information at once, and he decided to focus on that one, completely puzzling fact.

"They felt you the best one. I don't know why. Will you?"

"Of course..."

"I have to tell the others. Goodbye, Kurama. And... I'm sorry."

_**Two Weeks Later**_

The funeral had been prepared with surprising speed, probably because the only people attending were the close friends: Kurama, Yuusuke, Kuwabara, Botan, Keiko, Shizuru, Koenma and Genkai. As they approached the closed, polished wood caskets at the front of the church and said their final goodbyes, two spirits that had been given special permission to be there were perched on the rafters above.

"Hiei-oniisan, do you think we made the right decision?"

"Hai, Yukina-neechan. To us, it won't be long until we see them again. And now we have all of eternity to search for okaasan and otousan."

"Finally a family," Yukina murmured, then pointed and exclaimed "Look! They're moving the caskets!"

They followed their bodies to the graveyard, and watched their coffins being lowered into a spot near the temple, where a small pond lay, sparkling in the sunset, and birds chattered all around. The tombstone had a statue of a small boy angel and girl angel, made in the likeness of Hiei and Yukina, playing together in the snow, birds and foxes surrounding them. The inscription read "Two dearly loved twins lie here. Their hearts and souls are forever intertwined. May they find happiness wherever they are, and may they always know they will be missed. Goodbye, Hiei and Yukina." There was nothing else on the tombstone.

At the end of the service, when everyone was leaving, one red-headed Youko looked up and murmured to the departing day:

"Goodbye, you two. I'll see you again some day."

Wai! It's finally done! Once again, please, please, please, PLEASE, I'm BEGGING you, SOMEONE tell me how to do bold, italics and underline. Despite the fact that in the preview some showed up, some is now. Also, please tell me how to make something two, or even all three things at once. I really need it, as I am starting another fanfic (it is being planned out ahead of time, to avoid this updating fiasco).

Japanese Translations:

Anou means um

Nigenkai means the human world

Oniisan means brother (in this case, a suffix, no o)

Oneesan means sister (same as above. It can have an o if it's a suffix)

Okaasan means mother

Otousan means father

Youko is the type of demon Kurama is


End file.
